Relationships are an important (and fun!) part of life. Relationships are good when you feel safe, valued and respected.
But sometimes relationships are not good, and it can be hard to recognise the red flags that make a relationship not good. Sometimes these red flags start to feel “normal”.
Often people assume that unhealthy behaviours are obvious and that it means only physical violence. However, unhealthy behaviour in a relationship can be present in several ways – both physical and emotional – and can have harmful effects on your health and wellbeing. Remember, we all have the right to feel safe, valued and accepted in our relationships.
Let’s take a look at some red flags.
Your partner:
- Checks up on you all the time – where you are and who you’re with
- Doesn’t like spending time with your family and friends or doesn’t like you spending time with them
- Blames you when things go wrong, puts you down or calls you names
- Says things like “if you loved me, you would…” and tries to guilt you into doing things you don’t want to do
- Makes you feel that you should avoid doing things that would make them angry and makes you feel nervous about their response to things
- Physically harms you such as hitting, pulling and pushing or threatens to harm you
- Forces unwanted sexual behaviour including kissing, touching or having sex
- Takes your money or controls your money
- Gets jealous easily and tries to control what you do and who you’re with
- Denies you access to medical care including contraception
If a partner repeatedly uses these types of behaviours to hurt, scare or isolate you, this is called coercive control and is against the law in New South Wales and Queensland.
It can be very scary if you are in a relationship with someone who is hurting you, or if your friend is in a harmful relationship, and it can be hard to know what to do.
We all have a right to feel safe and respected in our relationships; it’s important to remember that you have a choice to be in any relationship, and the right to leave. Your happiness and safety comes first, and staying with someone because you’re afraid to be alone, or you’re worried about the possible consequences of leaving them, is never a good reason to be with someone. It can take time to get over a breakup and to regain your confidence, but in time you will be ready to meet new people and find someone who treats you the way you deserve.
If you, or someone you know, are experiencing unhealthy behaviour or abuse there are people who can help you.
Who can I talk to?
GP or health worker
In an emergency situation call 000
