So, you have herpes but you are unsure whether you should tell your potential partners about it? Firstly, let’s look at the facts about this really common sexually transmitted infection.
Genital herpes is caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV). HSV is very common, with up to 80% of Australians having HSV! There are actually two types of this virus:
- HSV-1
- HSV-2
Either of these can be found on the genitals or face. The virus causes a minor skin infection which can sometimes come back.
Genital herpes can be spread by vaginal, oral or anal sex and through skin-to-skin contact. Most people with genital herpes don’t even know they have it but when it does cause symptoms, it can cause tender sores, blisters or ulcers which heal on their own. The virus stays in the system even after the sores, blisters or ulcers have healed. The virus is more easily spread when these sores are present but it is possible to spread it even when they are not present (viral shedding). There is no cure for herpes, but it can be kept under control through anti-viral medication from your GP. The anti-viral medication can make recovery from sores, blisters or ulcers quicker or can be used to prevent them from coming back if they occur too frequently.
The best protection against passing genital herpes on is to always use barrier protection such as external (male) condoms, internal (female) condoms and dams. Due to herpes spreading through skin-to-skin contact, condoms can reduce the risk of infection, however they cannot protect partners completely as condoms don’t cover the entire genitals.
Telling your partner that you have herpes is pretty important because there’s always the risk of passing it on. It can feel like a big deal, but your potential partner has the right to know. How can you do that? Here are some ideas:
- Be confident and just say it matter-of-factly. Remember, herpes is very common and is manageable!
- Educate yourself. Know some facts about herpes and maybe even know some places where they can look up some information
- Answer any of their questions. The more open and honest you are, the easier it will be for both of you.
An example of how you could go about saying something:
“I like how things are going in our relationship, and I’m hoping our relationship might end up in the bedroom soon. But before we do, I wanted to let you know that I have genital herpes. I haven’t had an outbreak in a while, so the risk of passing it to you is low. But still, it’s not zero so I wanted you to have a chance to think about it before we get intimate. You don’t need to respond right now and I’m happy to talk to you about it more or answer any questions. “
